


I can barely say

by WillofDark



Series: Long past gone [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Action, Angst, F/M, Friendship, Minor Character Death, POV First Person, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-03
Updated: 2015-10-05
Packaged: 2018-04-18 21:04:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4720391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WillofDark/pseuds/WillofDark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Title from The Fray; I Can Barely Say.<br/>They clicked instantly and if by chance they had met a few years earlier, perhaps their reliance on each other would have been stronger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'm interested

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you'll like it.  
> Grammar and punctation errors are mine.

 

The first time I met him was in church. Not a actual real church but the Ark's church. Three chair rows and the metal alter where the tree stood, ready to be watered. His mother Vera, bless her soul, spoke about the grounders of old time and how one day we will back and tread on the ground. 

I was in awe, listening and absorbing every single word being said. It must have showed on my face, all wide eyes, because the next I knew a dark haired tall boy with a deep yet boyish voice was talking to me, or rather; ''Close your mouth or the flies will get in.'' 

I should have shot back and told him that there's no flies in space, idiot. But I didn't. Instead I had continued to look at him until he chuckled and waved his hands in front of my face. That was when I finally saw him. Really saw him. Dark haired and tall weren't the only noticeable thing about him. His clothes were ragged and brown with more holes in them than anyone I had ever seen. He wore, not shoes, but a layer of thick socks. Despite being poorly fit, he wore them with a solid stance, showing how he didn't care how he looked. I wondered how old he was. He looked older than me, and I was only fifteen but people at my station always told me that I looked younger than my age.

''How old are you!'' I had blurted before I could stop myself. It was not even a question. It was embarrasing and not something you would had thought proper coming from a future doctor. A tiny smile had appeared followed by a suspicious ''Why do you want to know?''

''Because I want to.''  Any suspiciousness disappeared and what I would later call _playfullness_ took its place. ''See here. I will tell you my age if you promise not to come here again.'' At the time I thought he was being serious, so I did what I always did when people were being particularly difficult; I resisted. 

''No.'' I retorted with all the power I could conquer despite him hovering over me.

''No?''

I nodded.

''So, you  _are,_ after all, interesting in my age.'' He still wore his tiny smile.

I stood up, nearly stumbling back on the chair. He was  _tall_ and I only reached his chest, barely at that. ''I'm interested. I will be back and by then I would have found your age.''

''Oh?''

''Yes, cuz you seem to make it such a big deal, when it's not.'' As I turned around and walked towards the exit door, his dry chuckle followed me until I was back in my room. 


	2. I’m holding onto that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby talks to Marcus again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the summaries. I'm really not good at them, maybe ditching them later.  
> Here you go!

It had been almost two weeks since I visited the church. I wanted to, but dad had gotten me new books from medical that I had to study. My first aid training was close and those books, according to dad, were essential to pass the training, even though they contained information beyond first aid. Through it all, the dark haired boy was always at the back of my mind. I wondered what he was doing while I was reading. I thought about if he was disappointed that I had not showed up again. Perhaps he even thought that he scared me off. He seemed that kind of a guy, taking the weight of everything on himself.

I found out by Thelonious that his name is Marcus Kane. Thelonious had shouted it at me across the exit door in medical with a smirk on his face that made me blush and wonder if they perhaps had talked about me and how they knew each other. I decided that I had to go down there again, and soon.

 

 

''You're back.'' His voice was loud in the empty church. The service starts in an hour and I was early. 

''I am.''

''Took you long enough. Thought you had given up.'' He stated, but it sounded more like a question. 

''Give up? No, I never do that, Marcus.'' He only raised his left eyebrow at the mention of his name. ''Well, good.''

''Good?'' 

''Yeah. It's nice to have you here. So stop looking at me as though I have grown up two heads.'' I couldn't say any words. He thought it nice. He wanted me to be here and from all the ridiculous things going through my head, I noticed that he was wearing shoes this time.

''Since you know my name, what's yours?'' He was looking at me curiously now, as if our roles had switched and I was suddenly the interesting one. Again, I thought about Thelonious and if they had talked about me but then thought it weird that he still didn't know my name if so. Then again Thelonious was always the one to keep from saying something outright so that he could have the upper hand. 

''Abby.''

''Abby. Good name, short for Abigail, yeah?''

''Yes.'' He stretched out his arm and made for my hand to shake it but suddenly he stopped mid air and exclaimed. ''Wait! The Abby, as in the doctor's daughter and trainee?''

''Yes, that's my dad.'' His face when surprised looked funny, as if this very fact was turning his world upside down. ''Wow. Okay.''

Silence.

''What are you doing down here then, I mean, they say he is training his daughter and that she's always busy reading to -'

''Yes, yes. But I wanted to come here, so I did.''

''Oh.'' He was still staring straight ahead. ''Is that so unusual?''

''It kinda is. You do know that you've brought a lot of attention upon your person by coming down here.''

My mind suddenly worked. Stepping inside the church, having all the faces turn and look at me, Vera's shocked face and the silence that occured only for seconds. All the faces in the room were not familliar, not from the above station. They all belonged down here.

''Well, I..'' I stuttered. I wanted to convey to him that I came down here by choice and not to spy for anyone. 

''Hey. I'm not accusing you of anything, but you must admit that you took them all by surprise. I mean, the Doctor's daughter down here? That's a shocker, almost worse than shocklashing!''

He understood. I sighed with relief, the tension that took over my body disappearing. I repeated his words in my head and looked at him in horror. ''Have you been shock lashed before?''

''No, Abby. I don't do shocklashing.'' He winked and my heart beat just a tad faster. I looked around the room as a distraction and noticed that the place looked a bit different from last time. There were pieces of clothes around the room, hanging quite celebratory. A small group of kids I didn't notice before were sitting around a table and playing chess. The kids were wearing small crowns.

''It's for me.'' 

I furrowed my brows. ''For you? Why?'' He shifted beside me so that his shoulder were almost touching my head. ''I passed my tests.'' I waited for him to elaborate. He cleared his throat and continued. ''I took the tests in law enforcement and station protection last week, and got the letter yesterday. Gonna train to be a Ark guard.'' 

''That's really good. But aren't you still underage?'' 

''I'm 17.'' He said. ''Thats still young. They only take guards from the age of 20, you know.''

''I got above the average in them all.'' He smiled, this time a real smile, a proud smile. I had a feeling he was smart, though he hid it well, but to get above the average; that's something else.

''That's fantastic, Marcus. Really, congratulations.'' I put my hand on his shoulder and smiled up at him. He smiled back a smile that I took by heart and named mine. I swore to myself that whatever this new friendship between us two was, I would hold onto it. No matter what. He's a spirit of himself, I knew that, and he's stuck on me. 

I removed my hand from his shoulder just as the doors opened and a few people came in and took their places at the alter. 

Marcus led me to the first seats and we sat down. ''Siting front seat will, perhaps, make sure that your eyes stays in their place.'' I covered my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. Vera greeted us when she reached her place beside the tree and smiled down at Marcus and me. I returned the smile.


	3. I'm dancing

 

‘’Hey Abby.’’

I started at the voice. I turned my head, and saw Marcus standing in the black army clothing. ‘’Marcus!’’

‘’Yeah it’s me.’’ He was grinning, a great contrast to the power and seriousness of his attire. For a moment I wanted to hug him for just looking adorable, but I managed to control myself. ‘’Marcus! It has been weeks. I missed you.’’ He looked surprised at that admission and suddenly seemed so shy. ‘’Well, I missed you too.’’

‘’Jaha tells me that you’ve been working harder than normal because of your father’s condition.’’ He looked down at his feet, making it easier for me to take in his appearance. I was surprised how different he looked. His hair had been cut shorter and been slicked back, making it look neater and hiding the curls that usually stood out. Making him look orderly.

‘’It’s not been easy, but I’ve been working through it. Thelonious and Jake usually looks by with a trick or two up their sleeves. Mostly Jake.’’ I looked at him knowingly.

‘’I’m glad. Jaha is busy, too. I’ve heard he’s been putting quite a fight up with the youth council.’’ I laughed at that. That sounded like Thelonious, head steady and passionate.

‘’So, are you a proper guard now, passed above average again?’’

‘’No.’’ He chuckled. ‘’Still a cadet, no tests to degrade the intelligence of the rest of the population. Though, I’m training more than using my head these days.’’

‘’I can see that. You’ve grown taller and filled in quite well.’’

‘’Yeah?’’

‘’Yeah.’’ I repeated absently, still perplexed by how he looked. A comfortable silence stretched, both in our own thought, when I remembered that I was on my way to medical to supervise a patient.

‘’I’m sorry, I’ve to go. I’m keeping us both from our work.’’ I touched his shoulder as a promise to see him later and stood straighter to walk down the hall.

‘’Abby, wait!’’ I stopped walked and turned to look at him, and he was tense and looking warily at me. ‘’I was actually here hoping to see you.’’

‘’Really?’’

‘’Yeah. Eh, you know Unity Day is close and most are holding a party. Jake invited me and a couple of cadets to his party, probably you too, and I, well..’’

‘’Yes. But really, Marcus, I’ve to go now. See you at the party!’’ I said abruptly and walked, leaving him standing.

* * *

 

 A week passed by and on the night of the party I was not ready. The whole week I’ve been busy tending to patients with minor injuries and reading up on the more complex injuries, in case my dad couldn’t be there to tend them. By the time the clock got 6 pm I was seething with anger at myself and trying not to just change into my sleepwear. Marcus didn’t say anything about coming to my parent’s rooms or if he was meeting me at the party, and that’s partly my fault, leaving so quickly. So when a knock sounded at the door, I was ready to shout no, but opened the door anyway, praying to whoever was listening that it wasn’t Marcus.

‘’Abby!’’ There stood, my savior and best friend Callie, all dressed and ready to party, looking a lot better than I did and felt.

‘’Shh. Step inside and use your hands or whatever and help me get ready!’’

‘’Woah, okay. What you got?’’ I showed her the three sets of clothes I was considering wearing and she quickly assessed my appearance and sorted out the ones she thought best. ‘’This one’’ a pair of dark blue pants ‘’and this one.’’ a grey blouse with a bit of glitter.

‘’Really? I thought you would have picked the dress.’’

‘’Maybe, if the host of the party weren’t Jake.’’ She laughed at her own comment. Jake had a reputation of holding the wildest parties that ended with smeared clothes and everyone not remembering what they did hours back.

‘’Right. Let’s get you ready, Abby. We can’t have you looking like that infront of your paramours.’’ _Paramours_? Deciding to let it go, for now, I obeyed her and went to dress.

We arrived at the party about twenty minutes late, having waited for any sign of Marcus escorting me to the party. There was a lot of people that I didn’t recognize as I skimmed faces to find the one face that I wanted to see the most. Jake came over to me during my inspection, Callie having left to chat up with a friend, asking me to dance. ‘’Not now, Jake. Have you seen Marcus?’’

‘’Marcus? Haven’t seen him yet! Should I make a shout out for him from the big scene?’’ He moved forward to go but I hastily caught his arm to stop him from doing that.

‘’No! He wouldn’t appreciate that.’’ He grinned at me and made some joke about Marcus scowling throughout the whole party and then went his way to dance out some girl. I sighed with relief. Jake could be quite a tiring energy when let loose.

‘’Abby.’’ Someone tapped on my back with a gentle force that got through to me over the music and I turned around, startled at the touch, only to come in contact with black fabric and a familiar scent of something mechanic, some old moonshine and the smell of aftershave. Marcus. Standing with two cups of moonshine.

‘’There you are.’’ I smiled up at him, noticing his hair didn’t have any of the slickness from before, but looking rather freshly washed.

‘’Here I am. You look nice.’’

‘’You too. Did you just arrive?’’

‘’No, I was here on time waiting for you. Callie told me you got here late.’’ Glancing at the cup in his hands, I took it and took a sip, grimacing. ‘’Thanks.’’

‘’You’re welcome. It’s strong. Jake spiked it.’’ Though he drained half the cup. Shaking my head I tried to make conversation but with him standing this close, I couldn’t.

We stood, watching the others dance. I caught a glimpse of Callie dancing with Thelonious close to the stage where Jake was increasing the volume of the music.

‘’It’s good music.’’ Marcus said, finally saying something.

‘’It’s ok, not my taste.’’

‘’Oh.’

Minutes passed by and I was beginning to feel tired of just standing still.

‘’I want to dance.’’ I said to him, making sure to pointedly look at him.

‘’Oh. Yeah, right. Here let me take these.’’ He took the drinks and put them on the nearest table. He went back to stand beside me, and I tried not to sigh in exasperation. Really!

I took his left hand. ‘’Come on, let’s dance. Loosen up a little.’’ He followed me to the dancing floor.

Dancing with Marcus was awkward and amusing at the same time. He just couldn’t relax and kept glancing around the room, as if someone was going to stab him in the middle of the crowd. Even when the song changed to a bit slower tune he kept tapping with his legs and swaying his arms. I glanced around the room and caught Callie’s eyes who in return grinned at me and pointed at Marcus while mouthing some words I couldn’t understand. I shrugged at her and looked at Marcus. He was grimacing while _dancing_.

‘’Marcus. I will be just fine dancing alone.’’

‘’What?’’ He exclaimed in a high voice. I pointed with my head to the bar and he nodded back and left the dance floor.

When he was gone I went over to Callie and her group making competitive dancing moves at each other while the rest clapped. ‘’Finally got mr. stiff from the dance floor?’’ Callie shouted the words in my ears and I looked at Marcus who was standing at the bar with a new cup of moonshine. I shrugged and began clapping along with the others.

The clapping and dancing become a bit too much after awhile and I went in search for Marcus who was nowhere to be seen. The whole place was crowded as if the whole Ark was here partying and it was impossible to catch sight of Marcus in the crowd, so I chose to walk to the exit door. There was only a few couple of people standing there, probably preferring the quietness from the loud music, but no Marcus was to be seen. Maybe he got bored and went to his room, or he loosened up a little and went back to dancing or maybe..I shaked my head and  leaned back into the wall and enjoyed being just alone for bit.

‘’Abby.’’ I jumped up at the voice.

‘’Marcus! You really should stop doing that, startling me all the time.’’ But really, I was just glad that he hadn’t left the party yet.

‘’Sorry.’’ Looking up at him I knew immediately that something was wrong.

‘’What’s wrong? You look paler than usual.’’ He hesitated in answering before taking a deep breath and moving closer to me.

‘’Abby. I’m sorry.’’


	4. I'm not a doctor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby goes through the suffering of bad news.

I was in shock. That's what the nurse told me. I just nodded at her, already knowing that. She was talking to someone but I couldn't identify who: a vaguely familiar someone. I wanted to reach out and tell them to tell me what they were talking about, but I couldn't. Arms were around me, preventing me from moving. I tried to push them, but they were firm and wouldn't budge. 

Something was missing.  _I_ was missing something important. Important to me, but I couldn't quite figure out what it was. My head's a mess and I could hear myself breathing; breathing that came out too fast, breathing out of sync. Someone said that. I saw a face coming nearer me. Kind eyes and chapped lips. Lips that was moving. I focused on the lips, but they were not going as fast as my breathing, so instead I met the kind eyes. They were calm and something else. Focusing on them was easier. The calm and kind eyes pulled me towards the calmness until I felt numb and the blurred lines disappeared out of my sight. Someone,  _no_ , not someone; Marcus. He came into focus, looking more worried than I've ever seen him be. I tried to say something to him, anything, but the world was spinning and getting dark, but that couldn't be right. It never got dark here. But it did, and the last thing i saw before the blackness consumed me was  _him_ and his eyes. 

I woke up to a sound close to my ears yet far away. Taking in my whereabouts I noticed that I was in my room and had changed into my sleeping wear; that made me stop to think, as I don't remember putting them on. I don't remember why I am in my room. 

The sound was there again; someone's snoring. I got up from my bed and almost yelped when my feet came in contact with something soft. Looking down, I saw Marcus sleeping on the floor, his head on one of my extra pillows and a blanket from the sitting room draped on him, rather poorly. 

Everything from hours back suddenly came back to me: Standing in the hall outside Jake's party and Marcus reappearing and looking almost white as a sheet. My eyes filled with fresh tears. 

'' _Abby, I'm sorry. But while you were dancing, and I couldn't find you in the crowd' I shaked my head. ''No.'' I whispered. ''you were called, cadets walkies, and I went and I'm sorry. He passed, your father.''_

_''No.''_

_''They couldn't do anything more for him.''_

A loud sob escaped me, waking up Marcus who immediately shot up and took a fight position, looking around before settling on me. Worried brown eyes met mine. ''Abby, hey. How are you feeling?'' I wanted to reply to him, to lie and tell him that I'm fine, never been better actually, but instead words became sobs. And suddely his arms were around me, pulling my head against his warmth and I felt as if my heaving chest exploded and the grief that consumed me became, maybe, a bit easier to bear. Just here and then, I might  _just_ have found my safeplace. 

After my tears were dry on my cheek and my head cleared I heard him talking. ‘’You know, your father _stuck_ himself with a needle one time, just to show me that it was harmless.’’ 

‘’Really?’’ I could feel him tense, try to pull himself from me now that I could talk, but I just pressed my head further under his chin. ‘’Well yeah. I believed him, that is, until the time for another vaccination came.’’

‘’You’re afraid of needles?’’ I asked him, pulling back slightly to look at him. 

‘’Yeah. But don’t tell anyone.’’ He laughed nervously, releasing me from his clutch slowly, as if afraid I will break. ‘’Where're you going?’’ I questioned as he stood up and had already walked close to my bedroom door. ‘’I’m actually very hungry. Aren’t you?’’

‘’Oh, yes I’m.’’ Really feeling my empty stomach. I stood up and pushed him lightly out of the room and into the sitting room.

‘’It will be alright, in time.’’ Marcus said absently after we had eaten and were just sitting on the chairs in the sitting room. I just nodded, having no reply. They say time heals all wounds, but what about the wounds inside. They can’t be healed. I lost my mother when I was three to the flu that left many orphans of the Ark, most of them got sedated and floated if they didn’t find them a family without children or died of the same flu. I only had my dad and now he’s gone too.

‘’I have you, Marcus.’’ I said softly, taking in how much a part of my life he has become in such a short period, how light I feel when he’s around.

I could feel him smiling softly.

‘’You have me.’’

* * *

 

Everyone is sleeping and only a few guards are awake to chaperon the Ark when Marcus decided a walk would do us both good. ''We will get caught.'' I whispered to him. He shrugged and said ''don't worry, I know the guards route.''

''Of course you do.'' I smiled at him. I knew he was out of his comfort zone, but also knew that if he didn't want to do this he would have left hours ago. Instead, he chose to sleep on the cold and uncomfortable floor. He chose to stay by my side and comfort me when I most needed it.

My thoughts got cut short by Marcus who suddenly stopped just as a new corner came into view. ‘’I thought you said that you knew their route.’’ I whispered, more afraid than anything for him and what would happen to his position as a guard in training. ‘’I do.’’ he whispered back. ‘’This one must be on his way back to report.’’ He moved forward, letting go of my arm I didn’t notice he had gripped. ‘’Stay there, don’t move.’’

‘’Marcus!’’ I hissed, wondering what he was going to do.

I couldn’t see much, as the lights were dimmed, but I could hear movement; the guard’s steps were closer and it would only be a matter of seconds before he would discover us and arrest us. Closer steps. Then the guard would have us wait in the prison cell until someone from the council woke up so that they can make a decision about what to do with us. Possibly the skybox for me and they would float Marcus or punish him. Then I would lose him too and I couldn’t live with that. Not Marcus. 

‘’Abby!’’

‘’Marcus?’’ I said as I turned my thoughts off. He was standing close to me and his hands were firmly gripping both my shoulders but relaxed slightly when I responded.

‘’You drifted off. The guard’s gone, he took the direct way.’’ His hands removed from my shoulders and the danger gone, I allowed myself to fall back on the floor. He followed suit and if he sat just a little bit closer than normal, I didn’t comment.

 

 

I wasn’t the type that sat down and talked about the unfairness as life drift by me, but this was weighing harder on me than anything I’ve gone through. _Damn_ , I thought as I woke up to the beeping of the alarm. Just another day. I wasn’t a child anymore, no one really gets to be a child on the Ark; after my mother died I promised myself that I would make sure to always be there for my child and to give her or him, and the children of the Ark, a good childhood. I knew my dad was sick, I knew he would die soon; yet knowing that and facing it is two different things, and so very hard.

Walking down to medical took only minutes, as my rooms, they’re my rooms now, were located only two halls down. It didn’t give me much time to be alone with my thoughts as every person I met on my way there greeted me, some as a routine and others as kindness. It was their smiles, sad smiles, that irritated me the most. They looked at me and saw a child, weak and alone, just because I lost my parents. But I’m not what they think. I’m what my dad have taught me to be; strong and independant. He always said age didn’t determine maturity. I’m also what I’ve made myself be; cool and open minded. I’m going to get through this. With Marcus by my side as well as the others, I’m going to be a doctor.

_‘’You’re gonna be a good doctor.’’ Marcus said. We were still sitting in the dark hallway somewhere in the station, an hour back till most of the Ark wakes up to get ready for work._

_‘’Only good?’’ I pointed._

_‘’Fine.’’ He grinned at me.  ‘’The finest doctor the Ark will ever have.’’ Somehow this, coming from Marcus, made me believe exactly that._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first fic I've ever published and written properly, and this chapter was meant to be kinda emotional and I hope I succeeded, more or less, so thoughts and/or criticism on this would be gladly received :)!


	5. I'm not a kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The council is making a decision about Abby's situation.

 

Between work in medical and reading up to my upcoming exams in the obligatory station subjects, it proved difficult to have some free time that lasted more than twenty minutes and that did not involve taking to the senior medical officer, Mr. Mortimer, about potential diseases.

The most difficult part was ignoring the fact that my every movement and daily goings in the past month have been observed closely and effectively by the council. I was still underage, and by law I should have been put in the skybox or had an adult take responsibility of me. As it is now, the council is in disagreement. In the past two years, Medical have become my second home; thanks to my dad, who made sure to take me there with him when I told him, at the age of ten, my wish to study to become a doctor. The nurses and trainees, as well as the patients, became used to my presence and my abilities as a capable helper was acknowledged by the majority. Many in the council were friends of my father including Thelenouis’ uncle, Chancellor Aldetrudis. Therefore, my chances of being left alone were good.

The day of the vote I was calm. I should have been agitated and in a fit of emotions, but really, I was not. Jake, who was there for support, kept glancing nervously at me. He had started by firing some jokes at me when he arrived, making me laugh more than I usually did; which was probably the reason for his quietness. His jokes are funny when he is not telling the dirty kind or the kind that was made for impressing girls. 

I’ve known Jake Griffin for about a year. It was lunch time when his friends came half-carrying with him to medical; quite laughable, he had drunk too much at a party and suffered a hangover so strong that even the standard remedy couldn’t save him from heavy puking. 

‘’You’re disturbing my lunch break, boys.’’ I said to them, looking at the one called Peter who I knew from physics class. ‘’Sorry for that, Abby. But really, he needs help, kinda.’’ Peter said. I told them that it wasn’t necessary to take him to medical but in the end I gave up. Taking care of a drowsy, half drunk and smelly Jake wasn’t easy. He was bad, kept talking to me with slurred words and putting his head on my shoulder to try to relieve his headache. ‘’Your shoulder’s soft. Better.’’ In the end, I put him to sleep after giving him some pills for his headache.

The next day, when he woke up fresh and very talkative he apologized and went his way with the promise of repaying me for my help. After that encounter I only saw him occasionally, and he did repay me when he got me two fictional books for light reading. My encounters with him increased when Marcus came into my life, Jake was right behind him. I discovered they were friends, almost brothers. If one observed them enough when they were together, one would see that they were close and shared similar interests, if with a few differences. The two had known each other since they were nine, Marcus had told me; when Jake stood up for Marcus against a couple of older children wanting to criticize the small growing tree in the church.

I thought about the both of them. Jake; who is always energetic. wanting everyone to participate. Marcus; who is still and courteous, quite the opposite.  I see them as such: Jake is the Sun, his light rays shining on everyone. Marcus is the Moon. It is always there. Its intensity so strong in the dark, it is overwhelming, and that’s Marcus for me. He’s dark and light combined. He’s my shadow when there’s none. There was a time when I would have prefered a boy like Jake, but now, _oh now_ , that’s changed.

_‘’You fancy him! Admit it.’’ Callie said to me, both in our sleeping wear, having a girls night. ‘’I don’t fancy him. I like him, as a friend.’’_

_‘’Come on, Abby. Why wouldn’t you, I mean, every girl wants to be Jake’s girlfriend.’’ She said. I knew that if she didn’t have Thomas, she would have claimed Jake. Callie was the equivalent of Jake._

_‘’Well, I don’t. Nothing’s wrong with him or_ me _, but I’m not interested.’’ I answered, trying to distract her from this particular topic._

_‘’Your eyes are caught on someone else, then! Tell me.’’ I rolled my eyes at her. ‘’Maybe. I’m not telling you.’’_

_‘’I know who it is.’’ She was too observant for her own good, sweet Callie. I sighed in defeat, waving my hand to let her continue. ‘’It’s Jake’s friend. Marcus. Am I right?’’ Callie was smiled triumphantly at me when I blushed and nodded slowly, still new to the feelings bubbling inside me at the mention of his name._

‘’Abigail.’’ I looked up towards the voice. Standing up when I saw it was the Chancellor.

‘’A decision has been made.’’ He smiled at me. _Can’t be too bad, then._

‘’The daily reports of your activity have shown us that you take your work and school very seriously, thus proving to us that you can take responsibility for your studies, and foremostly yourself.’’ He paused. 

‘’We’ve not excluded that you’re underage, but after much consideration, the council have decided to not use the standard protocol that’s executed by the Exodus charter. ‘’ I let out a sigh in relief. They are not going to punish me.

‘’You are allowed to continue to do your work in Medical. You will, of course, keep your rooms, as by right, they belong to your family. In addition to this, you are to report to Mr.Swef from section 10 about specific activities concerning your work and school progress, once a month. Do you understand this and do not have any issues with the voiced decisions?’’

‘’Thank you, Chancellor.’’ Showing my gratitude by stretching my hand for a shake. He shook my hand. ‘’You’re allowed to go. Take care, Abigail.’’

Once Jake and I were a few metres down the hall away from the Council room, Jake let out a happy whistle and gave me a crushing hug. ‘’That was strong, man. You’re a big kid now, Abby.’’

‘’Not a kid.’’ I mumbled, but smiled affectionately at him as he let me go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marcus will be back with Abby, I promise :I, but this chapter got used to delve further into background material etc. as well as close the whole underage thing.


	6. I'm in harmony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby seeks out Marcus for help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to remove the small sequences from the start of some chapters. They don't belong in this kind of fic.  
> Hope you enjoy the chapter!

Happy. The feeling rushing through my whole body, making me want to jump on the walls and dance to hardcore music in the hallway. The grin on my face was probably mad-looking for any bypassers as I walked from medical earlier than normal. Further down the hallway stood the source of my elation.

‘’You’re almost skipping.’’ he said when I was close enough to hear him. Just laughing seemed answer enough for him. ‘’Come on. We’re already late.’’ He took big steps, making it difficult for me to catch up with him. I rolled my eyes at his behavior.

‘’You could walk a bit slower, Marcus. I can’t catch up.’’ He just kept walking.

‘’Marcus!’’ I hissed, not wanting to shout and draw attention in the corridor.

I heard him sigh before he slowed a bit. ‘’Sorry, Abby. I just don’t want us to be late.’’

‘’We won’t be late when we are early.’’

It doesn’t happen often. The solar eclipse. But it’s happening today. In about thirty five minutes, the moon is gonna be between Earth and the sun. People of the Ark are gathering in the station closest to where the phenomenon is gonna take place. I’m over the moon about it. So was Marcus, if his agitation and hasty steps are anything to go by.

When we arrived, the whole place was already crowded. I heard Marcus curse under his breath before he reached out and took my hand to push us through the crowd, ignoring the cries of irritation from them

‘’I’m here, Marcus, Abby!’’ I heard Jake shout out when Marcus stopped, using his height to look over the crowd before going to the source of the voice.

‘’Took you long enough.’’ Jake said as we stopped beside him. He had, by agreement with Marcus, saved us two empty spaces a bit away from the window.

‘’Five minutes.’’ Councillor James informed the crowd. The whole room was vibrating with excitement, everyone talking about how amazing it will be.

‘’One minute!’’ I took a deep breath and stood straighter to look outside the window. The moon was so close in the line that’s shared by the one planet and the big star, that it looked tiny and insignificant. ‘’Here we go, Abby.’’ Marcus whispered in my ears. And go we did.

‘’It’s..magnificent.’’ I was gaping. Even though we couldn’t see what was happening to the Earth, just the three of them standing in such harmony was enough. The whole thing only took minutes, but at the end I felt in such peace.

‘’You’re there, birthday girl?’’ Jake asked me when he and Marcus had stopped talking and noticed that I was quiet. It always impressed me how the two of them got carried away with their talking, forgetting everyone around, including me. It’s my birthday. It happened on my birthday and that just makes it all the more memorable. Sixteen year old. I’m still so young, I thought.

‘’Abby, let’s go.’’ I looked up at Marcus and saw that Jake had left, probably to talk about his experience with his other group of friends. I nodded and we left, taking the route to my rooms. It’s sweet, that he wants to walk me back to my room, as it is getting late. My own guard.

As we reached my door, I turned around to look at him and watched him, as he watched me, in silence. Then suddenly his face is close and his lips are touching my left cheek and my breathing stops and he’s blocking my sight and yet he isn’t, and _oh_. I can only feel his lips, soft and tingly.

‘’Happy birthday, Abby.’’ He smiled softly at me as he pulled away to look at me.

‘’I.. thank you.’’

* * *

Time flew by. It was almost time for my exams and I was ready to finish them off, so that I could put my whole focus on my training to be a doctor. Mr. Mortimer had already secured me an apprenticeship with Howard Handler, the surgeon. I had my reservations, as I wanted to be a doctor as well as be able to close wounds, both from accidents and more severe injuries.

‘’Mr.Handler will be the best mentor for you. He may specialize in surgery but his knowledge and fluidity in both fields are the finest. ’’ Mr. Mortimer told me. I hoped that was true.

Studying for my exams was easy. I had already read up and written notes to every subject. The problem was Callie, who had some difficulties in Earth skills. I wasn’t bad at Earth skills, but I wasn’t a teacher, either. The only way to help was to call for someone who could be a teacher, someone who had the patience for Callie’s impatience. Marcus was the solution. I hadn’t seen Marcus in a few days. He had reached third level of guard training and it was taking a toll on him. At the end of the day, he was exhausted and didn’t have the energy to do anything, but eat and sleep. Disturbing him at such a time weren’t something I’m elated about, but it had to be done.

The next day saw me rushing through the hall to talk to Marcus before his training. As I reached his door, I was already out of breath. Taking notice of his half-open door, I knocked softly and opened it further, ready to greet him; only to find him on his bed in the corner, asleep. I took a few steps closer while looking around the room: A few books scattered around, empty metal glasses and some pills on the table in the middle. His cadet attire thrown on a chair nearby, and his everyday clothes hanging loosely on the hook. It passed my inspection, as it was relatively tidy, considering Jake’s messy room. Standing over his bed, I contemplated whether to wake him up as he should have been awake by now.

Perhaps, I thought, he have training at a later time, and waking him now would just be disturbing his very much needed sleep. Instead of doing that, I continued to stare at him. Memorizing the soft lines of his face and his hair, tousled from sleep. How he slept on his back so that his one leg was under the blanket while the other stuck out, almost touching the floor.

‘’You done staring at me?’’ a deep voice slurred. Caught unaware, I squeaked in surprise, taking two steps back from the bed. Embarrassed, I looked at Marcus, who was smirking at me from the bed.

‘’Sorry.’’ I said sheepishly. ‘’Your door was open, so I thought you were awake.’’

‘’I must have forgotten to lock it properly. Tired, I was. Still is.’’ He looked tired. I wanted to help him and ease his fatigue.

‘’Don’t even think about it. I’m fine.’’ He suddenly said.

‘’What?’’ But I knew, and tried hard not to smile at his tired, if rather cute, face.

‘’You were thinking about doing some doctor magic on me.’’

‘’Don’t you have training today?’’ I asked him, not wanting to embarrass myself any further.

‘’Not today, no. Even the appointed guardsman needs his rest.’’ He paused. ‘’Besides interrupting my sleep, why did you come?’’ Now that I thought about it, I could have waited till the weekend and asked him.. oh well.

‘’You know how bad Callie is at earth skills, so I thought that you might help her?’’ Standing in his room while he was still lying on his bed was new territory for me and I was starting to feel uncomfortable. Marcus must have noticed that I was fidgeting, because he suddenly stood up and came to stand close to me. ‘’I will freshen up and meet Callie and you in the Mess Hall in twenty minutes, sounds good?’’ I nodded and walked to the door, leaving him for his morning routine.

* * *

‘’He’s brilliant! Why am I not brilliant?’’ Callie exclaimed, as we said our goodbyes to Marcus who went his way to visit his mother.

‘’You are. Just not at Earth skills, but don’t worry, you won’t need it more after this.’’ I told her.

‘’I can see why you like him.’’ Not again, I thought. ‘’He’s smart and got a face to die for.’’ She continued.

‘’Hopefully nobody dies for a face.’’ I mumbled under my breath as Callie kept talking about Marcus. ‘’So why haven’t you asked him out? Or him! Why hasn’t he asked you out yet? He obviously adores you.’’

‘’Callie, really, now is not the time. We are all busy and rarely sees each other.’’

‘’Just saying. He better do it before Jake takes action.’’


	7. I'm not part of the thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby goes to a meeting that leaves her in uproar.

Having heard of Thelonious’ exploits in the political field, I did not give it much thought when I was suddenly invited to a restricted youth meeting by one of my patients. Marcus was invited too, so it could not be bad. I had only been to one meeting before, about a year ago. When you hit fifteen you are brought before the board. It is not much a ceremony as to just know that if you got a political interest and will, that is the place you should be focusing on. I do have a interest in politics, but not enough to actually compete with others and have daily discussions.

When Marcus and I arrived to the meeting, it was to see that we weren’t the only one invited. There were more people than I originally thought. Everyone on the Ark between the age of fifteen and twenty appeared to be standing in this very room.

‘’What’s going on?’’ I said for only Marcus to hear.

‘’You’ll find out soon.’’ I looked at him.

‘’You know what this is about?’’ He just nodded and silenced me when a girl with blond hair arrived, looking quite intimidating, and went to stand in the middle of the room where Luke Handler, a youth council member, stood. I wondered where Thelonious was.

‘’Welcome everyone, I am Diana Sydney and a member of the Ark Youth. I’m glad that so many of you took the time to come, as I know that most of you have much work to do.’’ She smiled at us all and continued. ‘’I will go straight to the point, but first I want to know how many of you have eaten this morning.’’ That was an odd question to ask, I thought, but as about only twenty people raised their hands, I immediately figured out her intention with the question.

‘’She’s playing us.’’ I whispered to Marcus, who looked at me in a rather strange way. ‘’What? Something doesn’t feel right about her.’’ I said. Again, the look. ‘’You don’t know her, Abby.’’

I didn’t answer and turned to observe Diana, who looked satisfied with the amount of hands up in the air. ‘’It is as I thought. Those of you who got something to eat are the lucky ones, and I hope that you do not think me ill advised when I say that our system, our government's structure, is not made for the benefit of those of us, let’s say, that are on the lower part of the pyramide.’’

I couldn’t take it anymore. ‘’Marcus. She’s trying for a uprise. Using food as a factor to influence the lower class.’’ I tucked at his arm sleeves. 

‘’I want to hear what she says.’’ Marcus replied.

I sighed. ‘’I have to go to medical. See you after?’’

I was not blind to anything on the Ark. I knew there were many who couldn’t afford food and medicine. However, the way Diana was taking, if she succeeded to get around, was not the way. She might persuade the ones under seventeen, perhaps only those who had difficulties in school, but the older ones, no. They wouldn’t. They would get floated for even meeting with her again, if word got out to the adults and law enforcers. I don’t want to get involved, I told myself as I worked and attended to the patients, and I certainly hoped no one I knew got involved with her kind. Certainly not Marcus, who had seemed too caught up for my liking.

* * *

 After I finished writing the daily report, I decided to just go down to my rooms to relax and read. Reaching my rooms, I saw a figure standing on the opposite side of my door.

‘’Hello Marcus.’’ I smiled at him, happy to see that he wasn’t taking it to heart that I left him at the meeting.

‘’Hey Abby.’’ He looked tired, always did. I opened the door and gestured for him to come in. I could see his hesitation in the twitching of his fingers, spread apart. This would become the second time he would be in my rooms, and to be honest, I was nervous as well.

‘’Come on in.’’ I said to him. That made him walk in and take place on the same chair he had sat on the last time. I settled on the other chair, and by silent agreement Marcus began fiddling with my father’s projector. When he had it all done, we sat in silence and watched old news of some celebrity pregnancy.

I tried to concentrate on the screen, but I was unusually aware of every move, every mutter, Marcus made. Within minutes I gave up and began fidgeting. It wasn’t until the room suddenly went quiet and Marcus spoke, that I realized what I was doing. I was working myself up.

‘’I should probably go now.’’

‘’You don’t have to. It’s still seven.’’

He stood and shook his head. ‘’You’re obviously tired, Abby. I shouldn’t have come here.’’ He peered over his shoulder at me, and I knew immediately that he must have interpreted my state as inconvenience for him being here. 

‘’Marcus, you can stay for a bit longer. I mean it.’’ I stood up as well, and went closer to him, not anticipating him doing the same; and suddenly we were _closer_ and I could smell his scent and it was all over the place, around me. I could feel his eyes on my face, and I wanted to look at him too, but I was afraid.

‘’Abby.’’ And his head was descending, his lips were nearing, his nose almost touching my cheek. I moved my head too, gravitating, wanting to feel his lips on mine.

There was a hard knock on the door. I could feel Marcus tense, not wanting to let this moment be over either. ‘’Abby! Is Marcus with you?’’ A voice shouted. Jake; and the moment was over and Marcus was suddenly at the door in two strides, opening it and answering Jake.

‘’What? Is Thelonious there?’’ Marcus asked. I moved to stand after I cleared my head, and smiled at Jake who looked at me and nodded as a greeting.

‘’Yeah. Whatever Sydney did at the meeting, she convinced some idiots to break into the Chancellor’s rooms, unsuccessfully, of course.’’ He paused. ‘’Come with me. Thelonious told me to get you.’’ I frowned.

Marcus nodded, looked at me and shrugged his apology. He and Jake went their way, leaving me standing, processing and disliking Diana more for whatever insanity she was planning.

* * *

It was getting on my nerves. The hushed whispering among the youth in the mess hall. What did they think would come out of this? We have a youth council, yes, but that doesn’t mean we had any real influence. They actually believed Diana, and were becoming more loyal to her. It was going too far.

I was livid. Either the council were ignoring what was happening, or they didn’t know; and the chances of them not knowing were low. I could go and tell them all I knew, but for what benefit? The whole _thing_ , I refused to call it a resistance, was still quiet and kept under bay. Now and then someone would whisper some cross words to a walking council member or influential person, some stealings would occur, some coded papers scattered around, and then there was the few patients I had attended to, who refused to tell me what had happened to them. It was maddening, and I was mad at everyone. I was feeling isolated, and even my time spent in medical couldn’t gather enough information from those I had a feeling had joined Diana.

So when I finally met one of my so-called friends, I exploded and the one who took the blow was Marcus, of all people. Marcus who matched my anger, Marcus who was stubborn, Marcus who I wanted very much to kiss.

‘’Whose side are you on?’’ I hissed at him as I pulled him in a old machinery room.

‘’Side? Abby, there are no sides.’’ He hissed back, some confusion etched on his face. I had taken him by surprise, I knew that. 

‘’Shouldn’t you be following the rules? The laws!’’ It sounded wrong coming out of my mouth, but I wanted to vent my anger, and using the law as a catalyst, was my way.

‘’I am. What’s wrong with you?’’ He stretched his hand forward but I recoiled from him. My emotions were too far gone to be sensible. To know nothing is his fault. ‘’Then why aren’t you doing something?’’

‘’Doing something? What are you talking about, Abby?’’

‘’Diana Sydney. That’s what I’m talking about.’’

‘’Abby, that was just some robbery, kids rebelling.’’ I rolled my eyes at that. ‘’Rebelling against the Chancellor?’’

He had the audacity to laugh. ‘’Abby, no. It was a robbery. I bet you the Chancellor has some valuable stuff in his rooms.’’I could see no humor in this. I shook my head at him. ‘’You’re missing the point.’’

Marcus stood still for a moment, but then, it seemed to me he had come to some decision, he took a few steps closer to me and said words that would be running in my mind for the next few months, yet at the same time relieving me of my obsession with Diana and her thing. ‘’It’s you, Abby, who are missing the point.’’ My eyes shot to his. His, suddenly blank and calculating, mine pleading for him to understand.

‘’By the way, I am a guard now. Full time. Was on my way to tell you.’’ Then he was gone.

 


	8. I'm not a spy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby discovers some interesting facts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not updating is not cool, I know. x  
> Grammar errors and all are on me.   
> Here you go!

‘’Why are you not speaking with Marcus?’’ Callie asked as I let her into my rooms. I paused, not having heard his name in quite a few days now. I considered her question: Was it me who was not talking with him or the other way around? We have gone longer without talking to each other before because of our busy schedules.

‘’Who told you?’’

‘’Come on, Ab. I can see that you’re not happy.’’ I sighed and leaned my head back on the wall I was leaning on, mentally agreeing with her.

‘’It’s my fault. I.. I confronted him about something, and I wasn’t in one of my best moods.’’

‘’Oh, darling. Why don’t you just talk to him? Seek him out.’’ Callie said. I wanted to, it wasn’t that. The problem was that I wasn’t convinced that Diana was harmless, and Marcus seemed to have a different opinion on her. I wanted to prove to him that he’s wrong, and I knew someone who could put some light on the whole issue.

‘’Not yet.’’

* * *

Seeking out Thelonious wasn’t an easy task. He wasn’t anywhere he was supposed to be.

‘’You are sure you haven’t seen him today?’’ I asked Luke.

‘’Sorry, Abby, but no.’’ Great, I thought.

If Thelonious doesn’t have anything useful to say, this would be a waste of time.

I was starting to get suspicious glances from several workers, as I kept popping into the Mess Hall every twenty minutes. Council room. Mess Hall. Library. Mess Hall. Jaha’s family room. Mess Hall.

He was nowhere to be seen or found. I considered going over to ask the Chancellor himself, but that would have to be done as a last resort, as he was undoubtedly occupied.

I stopped outside room 12 in Alpha Station, and then walked to the left just as the man himself stepped from another corner, almost bumping into me.

‘’Of all that is-- Thelonious!’’

He seemed surprised to see me, but gave a little smile nevertheless. ‘’Abigail.’’

‘’I have been looking for you everywhere. Can we talk?’’ He raised his eyebrows but said nothing as he gestured for us to walk back to room 12.

‘’So? Talk.’’ Thelonious could be quite direct. He always have had an air of command and solidness about him, only the more strengthened by his passion for his causes.

‘’Diana Sydney. I want to know what’s she’s up to, and what you’re doing about it.’’ He had put his disapproval mask while I was talking, confirming that I wasn’t overreacting.

‘’Diana, she, since joining us two years ago, has been working toward a cause that have driven her over the edge, and frustrated those of us who do not agree with her. She’s not mad, far from it. She’s smart.’’

Then he told me about Diana Sydney. Daughter of a janitor who died in an incident when a faulty airlock opened, killing her father and three crewmembers from the same area. It was six years ago, but it frightened the people of the Ark so much that every now and then the airlocks were checked upon and extra layers of metal were put to secure that it doesn’t happen again. Diana had been living on the threshold of need; not actually low but low enough to not have what she would have grown up with the salary of a janitor. As Thelonious said, she was smart. Aced school and got good grades. She passed the test to get into the field of law enforcement. After that, she got herself a seat on the youth council.

Her ideas were focused and reasonable at first. She wanted to help people. She wanted to go to the bottom of the laws and find the flaws. They were happy to have someone eager, but after awhile it became an obsession. She did not want to talk about anything, but only about how unfair it was for some to have a better life, even in space, while others had to go days without water or food. The youth council decided that perhaps she needed a rest, to think through things; she accepted. Thelonious and the others believed that she got better after two months of not participating in any political meetings, and invited her back, and from there it went downhill again.

‘’She had used her time to recruit?’’ That was insane, I thought. Still so young and already she was more than enough ambitious for the whole population.

‘’Yes, and the meeting you went to? It was planned. Every little detail.’’

‘’But you weren’t there.’’

‘’Didn’t have to.’’

It occurred to me, then. Jake nor Callie was there. No one I really knew was there that day.

‘’Luke and Marcus.’’ I said and looked at him for confirmation.

He nodded. ‘’Diana knew we had her figured out. She had personally instructed the invitations. She do not suspect Luke, who had pretended to be have the same ideas, more or less. She wouldn’t suspect Marcus either. He was a guard in training, news get ‘round to guards, anyway.’’

‘’Or me. Just a student doctor.’’

‘’Exactly.’’ It all made sense.

‘’Oh!’’ It all made sense. I was right and wrong at the same time. ‘’I have to go. Thank you, Thelonious.’’ I gave him a quick hug and left.

The next day, on my way to medical, I caught sight of the unexpected. Not exactly unexpected but a rare sight for me these days. The hall I was standing in was deserted, except it wasn’t. I was in the hall and a few metres ahead of me stood Marcus and another person I couldn’t recognize, but judging by the height and the visible parts of his attire it was another guard. They were whispering to each other furiously and hadn’t seen me yet, so I tried to step back from the light. As I did that, the whispering stopped and one of them, going by the footsteps, walked away in the other direction.

‘’Who’s there?’’ It was Marcus and he was coming closer. I took a deep breath and moved forward. I didn’t want him to think I was following him, or heaven forbid, spying on him.

‘’It’s Abby, Marcus.’’ He stopped, just short of stepping into my personal space.

‘’What are you doing here?’’ He didn’t sound angry to her nor anything, for that matter.

‘’I’m on my way to medical.’’

He raises one eyebrow. ‘’This early?’’ My first instinct is to roll my eyes at him. He knew that my shifts were early and that I was done with work by six thirty pm. At least I’d like for him to not have forgotten that. ‘’Yes, this early.’’ My words came out a bit more short and forceful than I intended.

‘’Right. Then I will not keep you standing here any longer.’’ I could not see his whole face, as he was standing in the middle, between the light and the dark. Perhaps if he didn’t look so foreboding, I would’ve said something else, perhaps apologized for my behavior.

Nodding at him, I walked past him, our shoulders brushing briefly. I could feel his eyes on my back, but didn’t turn around to ascertain, knowing by then he would have already walked. I had suspected Marcus for alienating with Diana, and thrown it at his face. I didn’t think about how he any other day always followed the rules- no, I confronted him mindlessly. 

Marcus didn’t do friend favors for just anyone, if it meant breaking the law, so whatever he was doing must be by orders. Thelonious kept something out, not by choice, I knew. The whole youth council was in some way or another controlled by the inspector who answered to the upper politicians; therefore, I concluded, Marcus and Thelonious were keeping an eye out on Diana Sydney and her movements for the Council, which means they know. They know, and they were playing with Diana. I grinned inwardly. I was right but still felt bad because I still felt as if someone had punched me in the stomach. It wasn’t my intention for what happened between Marcus and me, and right now by main goal was to put aside anything and anyone who stood in my way to reconcile with Marcus.


End file.
